Life is so Unfair

I sat in my car as tears streamed down my face.

Life is so unfair.

I had left my wallet at home and the whole epitome of my reality came flooding back to me. I had to buy cake mix to make cupcakes. I still had to find time today or tomorrow, preferably not toting around two young kids, to buy a birthday present. Not just any birthday present. This present had to be able to withstand the elements of the outside world. It had to deal with high winds, rain, and extreme heat, but worse of all. It was likely to get stolen. These presents wouldn’t get wrapped and wait patiently for the birthday boy to open them, instead they would be presented to a cold hard stone in the middle of a cemetery. A cupcake will be laid on the base of a tombstone with the beautiful letters of my little boys name written across it.

Life is so unfair.

I had to put together a quick birthday “party” for my son. I have barely had time to breath between practices, late evenings getting home, the constant paper work, teaching children, and teaching teachers at work. I haven’t had time to think of a “theme” or even think what color sprinkles will be carefully placed across the top of the cupcake. A cupcake that will be thrown into the woods because my son can’t eat it, I can only hope he can look upon it thinking, “Thanks Mommy.”

Life is so unfair.

Not only do I have to quickly prepare for a party in my head, that I was in no physical way of making come possible at the moment, because once again, I was without my wallet. But I wasn’t given the time to prepare for it mentally. It was thrown upon me, not by any ones fault, just due to the season of life we are currently in where it is fast and furious. We run around constantly barely able to take a breath. And here I am, in my car, unprepared for the days that lay ahead, physically and mentally.

 

As I began to breathe out once more, Life is so unfair, my grief changed to shame. I could feel God saying, Life is not fair, but that unfairness is what brought my Grace.

 

As I sat in my own sorrow complaining in my head, okay let’s face it, I was complaining to God, Life is so unfair. He reminded me that because of that unfairness, I have the chance to see my little boy again. My tears stopped, and my heart swelled with relief. I get to see him again, I get to see my little boy, and I will get to see my little girl one day, because life is unfair.

 

That unfairness led to the betrayal of Jesus death. That unfairness allowed him to be nailed to a cross. That unfairness led to his death as he hung before the world. That unfairness was then changed. It was changed to grace. You see, God never meant for the world to be “unfair”, we created unfair, by our sin. He meant for it to be full of Grace and Love. The very unfairness we created, God used, to change our world.

Life is so unfair.

But now.

Now we get a chance to live in Grace.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

January 28, 2018
February 14, 2018

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2 Comments

  1. Reply

    Naomi

    February 10, 2018

    Beautiful post! I’m sorry you didn’t have time to plan or prepare for your son’s birthday in heaven. Praise God for speaking to your heart, may he comfort you in the days ahead xx

    • Reply

      tocarrylove.com

      February 14, 2018

      Thank you. I was able to prepare some. We were told he would pass at 20 weeks, and we carried him for 12 more weeks before he passed. I don’t know if anyone is ever fully prepared for that kind of grief though.

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